An Analysis (1st Edition)

Newsflash: I can’t stand a lot of the music I hear nowadays. The seemingly infinite amount of bullshit that contaminates my ear canals when I make the mistake of turning on the local radio station has prompted many a “What the FUCK?!?!” moments in my car.

I’m a father now, though, and I need to refrain from that type of language around the kids since more often than not they tend to be in the car with me. Something needs to be done. Well, mankind has always shown that through understanding and learning more about an unknown or misunderstood issue, relations with said issue can be improved significantly. My solution, then: a better understanding to hopefully allow for more tolerance of these damn songs. Perhaps better understanding the lyrics and thought process (if applicable- zing!) around a particular tune could allow me to better control my frustration levels when that tune begins violating my eardrums. More knowledge would be a condom of sorts to protect me from the audibly-transmitted venereal diseases being passed around by “artists” like Ke$ha and Soulja Boy.

Hope the clinic has a shot for this...

What I’ve come up with is an analysis of some of today’s more popular songs, complete with an initial hypothesis, research, and a scientific conclusion. This will be a recurring topic for me, so feel free to send in your suggestions for songs you’d like broken down in future blogs.  And so without further ado, here is our first analysis.

Song: Like a G6 – Far East Movement

 

 

Hypothesis:  This song was the inspiration for this series of entries so it’s only right that we start with it. Admittedly, we have a catchy beat here, but seemingly little else. My hypothesis with this song is that the aforementioned catchy beat along with denial regarding the title of the song allows listeners to completely ignore the lyrics and consequently mindlessly bob their head, “fist pump,” whatever other dance the kids these days like to do.

General Analysis: First and foremost – what the hell is a G6? At the risk of immediately losing my audience/credibility, I’ll take the bold step and admit that upon first hearing the song, I wondered what these particular musicians were referring to in their hook. They couldn’t possibly be that fond of Pontiac, could they? Not to take anything away from the Pontiac G6 – I almost bought one at one point in my life – but if it is indeed the focal point of a mainstream dance song, is this a sign of things to come? Will we soon find the clubs going wild to “Rollin’ In My Jetta” and “Accord Lifestyle” after this?

Camry sittin’ on 17’s, bitches

No, a “G6” must be some sort of plane, otherwise the lyric makes even less sense than I initially thought. Well, we’ve got good news and bad news – good news is that they indeed were referring to a plane. The bad news is that, based on their quotes, it’s one they seemingly didn’t know existed or not. Technically, it’s still in development, so if we wanted to be assholes about it (and by the way, “Technicality Asshole” is a skill I list on my resume), it doesn’t yet exist. Still, it has been test flown so we’ll give them a pass on the title at least making sense, but this leads us to the “denial” that I mentioned in my hypothesis.

How many of you who have heard the song honestly knew what a G6 was? “Well, Joaquin, the girl says fly like a G6 so I just assumed-“ No, asshole. I mean how many KNEW- had seen the plane, read about it, joined the Mile High club in it- that this was beyond a shadow of a doubt a plane that was being referred to? If you’re honest, you’re probably one of the (wild, out-of-my-ass number about to drop) 80+% that didn’t know. And seeing as how MTV actually made it a point to ask the group members that very thing, it’s very likely that the guy/girl you dry-humped to this song on the dance floor at the club last night was as completely unaware of the meaning as you were.

“Isn’t a ‘G6’ some type of rare bird?”

Lyrical Analysis: As it turns out, analysis of the lyrics of the song was the most dangerous part of the research- which I’m sure we’ll find is the case for future songs as well. If one is not careful and fails to take the appropriate precautions for the mind-blowing levels of stupidity and shallowness that will be handled, it’s no different than haphazardly walking around a chemical lab and seeing what happens when two combustible and highly disagreeable acids are combined using your dick as a stirrer. Just going through the first two lines of the hook, caused my IQ to drop 17 points before I realized anything had happened. Don’t worry- I’m fine now, but only after completing a Sudoku puzzle, drinking some Darjeeling, and watching a couple episodes of Frasier.

To find it funny, you have to possess a certain level of intellect... or alcohol…

Right from the get-go, you know you’re in for some serious intellectual assault as the word “slizzard” is used only two lines in. What makes its use that much better (worse?) is the delivery: sung by an 20-something white female who’s never met an “R” sound she didn’t like pronouncing the ever-loving shit out of.  In comparison to her, the term “White Bread” sounds like it’d be the ghetto baby nickname of some kid from Detroit. But then it gets better when Snowflake down there compares her and her crew to Three 6 Mafia because they’re “sippin’ sizzurp in my ride.” Wow…

“Do I get to say ‘For Shizzle’ in this song too?!?!”

But hey- she’s just the messenger, right? And short of those two lines, the rest of her part is pretty much about on par with anything else you might hear in the clubs, on the radio, etc. The main focus should be on the reincarnation of the real-life Sum Dum Goy Fortune Cookie Company. The verses of each of the members that rap (that term used loosely here) sound as if they created them by Googling “most over-used words in mainstream hip hop that simultaneously make hip hop purists heads explode.” These guys literally rap a hip hop stereotype. If Bill O’Reilly were asked to create a verse based on his hatred and limited knowledge of hip hop, he would write this exact song. I shit you not, at one point they actually equate “poppin’ bottles at the crib” with “keepin’ it gangsta.” The only way the lines could have been any more cliché would be if someone got shot while “making it rain.”

Side note: Holy shit- that’s a lot of quotation marks…

Conclusion: I was only half-right. While there is plenty of denial going on with the title, most seem to have an understanding that a plane is being discussed. The denial is only minimal and based on whether they’ve actually seen the plane or not. The beat, though, is definitely catchy and I realized that had I not actually looked up the lyrics, I wouldn’t have known how incredibly shallow they were because I was too busy bobbin’ my muh-fuckin’ head. Sorry- it’s a really good beat.

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